I was forced this week to face my own worst fear… me. Don't worry. I'll explain.
So, I haven't updated this blog in a while because it's been pretty crazy. My grandmother died about a week and a half ago. She died in her sleep and she made it to 84 with lupus; so, it's hard to complain.
So, I mentioned we've been on community medicine the past two weeks and how much of a WASTE of TIME it is. But, on the other hand given the number of times that I've had to go back and forth between my parents' house and where I live, I'm glad I wasn't in the middle of anything important.
So, this week we had, I'm not kidding here, an HOUR lecture on how to use certain search engines to find articles. Talk about a waste of time just to validate some little librarian's self-esteem!!! Nothing against librarians, we've all found whether it's nurses, librarians, PhD's or whatever people assume that we're all a bunch of arrogant jerks and treat us that way to start off with not giving us a chance to prove them right or wrong.
The library people gave us homework. Then, they graded it. No, I'm not kidding. When we got it back, over a third of us had to do it again. I was one of them. I guess it was a week and a half of time wasted, the number of trips to and from my parents' house along with still trying to figure out what to do with the fact my grandma died, but I turned into what I feared.
You see, one of my biggest fears before I started medical school was not whether I would pass or fail or whether or not I could do it, but it was whether or not it would turn me into someone I didn't want to be around. Unfortunately, it did, at least temporarily. Now, I'll admit that I do have a bad temper. It's not that my temper has gotten better, it's just the fuse is longer. But… if you get to the end of it… I suggest you duck.
Nearly everyone (ok fine EVERYONE ) I know that has gone to medical school and done a residency has, at least at some point in time turned into someone I didn't want to be around. Most find their way out of it, but some don't. You just have to let them go.
I was told it was not my fault that I was just the straw that broke the camel's back, but…. But… ok fine here it goes. I made the library lady cry. There…I said it. I'm a horrible, horrible person.
When I saw that I had to do my library homework AGAIN, my switched got flipped like it had not been flipped in YEARS. I'll admit I wasn't cordial, but I didn't say anything that would get me brought before the professionalism either. Apparently the number of trips to my parents' , wasted time, and everything else got the best of me and all that was left was the worst. Like I said, another librarian told me there were other issues involved and it wasn't my fault, but… I still couldn't sleep that night.
Well, maybe it's better to get it out of the way now and learn from it. No matter how frustrated I am, I NEED my sleep. I will, from now on, just remind myself that I won't be able to sleep that night if I give in to the temptation to be a bitch.
Oh, don't get me wrong. I still think that the past two weeks worth of tuition should be refunded. In fact I think they should be fined for incompetence and we should get the money. I also think that the library thing could've have been done in a powerpoint on our time in half the time. With that said, I still feel bad I was a bitch. But… AT LEAST I FEEL BAD about it!!! right?? Oh you people that email me your comments instead of leaving them on the blog drive me nuts!!!